End It In 2002!!
This rose sheds its tears for
all those lost to
Domestic Violence, those still victim, and
to those yet to become victim.
When Domestic Violence is stopped...
this rose will sparkle again with beauty....
and its tears will end.
Believe her, and keep what she tells you
Let her know she is not to blame for the
abuse; she is not responsible for it and does not deserve it.
Take the time to talk with her privately and
ask about suspicious bruises or fights that you know about. She needs
to tell her story in her own time and at her own pace.
Help her make safety plans for herself and
her children. It could save their lives
Validate her feelings; she may feel hurt,
angry, afraid, ashamed or trapped. She may love the abuser.
Make strong statements against violence in
your social circles and in support of victims building violence-free,
Give her information about local resources.
Offer to assist her in keeping safe by
letting her stay with you, if possible, or keeping documents, money, a
packed suitcase for her, or identifying a code word that she can use
to signal the need to call the police on her behalf.
If appropriate, talk to her children about
what they are seeing and feeling.
Help them make plans to be safe.
If you need a referral to a domestic violence
shelter or program in your area,
call the National Domestic Violence
at 800/799-SAFE (7233)
or 800/787-3224 (TTY).
If you are violent, stop the
violence immediately, and seek assistance.
Interrupt verbal harassment, and
if it is safe to do so, acts of violence that you see
Call the police, if it is unsafe
for you to intervene. It may save someone’s life.
Let batterers know that domestic
violence is a crime and that they could be prosecuted and sent
If a perpetrator is justifying
violence or harassment because of something the victim did,
point out that the perpetrator is the only one who is
responsible for violent acts.
Don’t let perpetrators get away
with victim-blaming, minimizing or trivializing their
If you don’t like it when
someone makes jokes about women or about battering, let the
person telling the joke know it and why.
Talk to perpetrators you know
about the violence they are doing, but do not disclose
information given to you by a victim, unless you have their
Let perpetrators know that
violence is not acceptable and that they can choose to stop
Support strong law enforcement
intervention in cases of domestic violence.
Don’t defend the batterer to
police, prosecutors or judges.
Act as a witness to a crime.
If you are an employer, assist
police, sheriff or other law enforcement officers to serve
orders of protection, subpoenas, or other documents.
Do not ostracize the victim nor
"side" with the perpetrator.
Make strong statements against
violence in your social circles.
Advocate for full accountability
by perpetrators, and for full restitution for victims.
Help support shelters and programs for survivors and their
Regular, consistent financial
Donations of equipment, gifts,
clothing, furniture, blankets, computers, etc.
Donations of meeting rooms,
technical or professional services, etc.
Volunteer to assist shelter
programs with answering crisis lines, working with survivors,
raising funds, training/mentoring for survivors.
Volunteer to work during
renovation, clean-up, mailings.
Write letters to City, County,
State and National elected officials encouraging them to
support funding for intervention in domestic violence and
Write letters to the editor
supporting services for survivors.
candle burns for women everywhere whose lives are affected by violence.
Adopt-an-agency for a year:
Provide donations of all kinds;
put on a fund-raising event;bring a group of friends/work associates
together to form a work party for an agency.
Assist in providing meals or a celebration
for those residing in a shelter or transitional housing, including
children’s birthday parties, holiday dinners, summer picnics.
Prepare starter kits for survivors -- ask a
shelter for exact contents of kit:
Household kits (pots, pans, utensils, kitchen towels, broom, clock,
Personal hygiene kits (soap, shampoo, bath towel, wash cloth, comb,
toothbrush and paste);
Bedding kits (sheets, pillows, blankets, bedspread);
Children’s kits (crayons or art supplies, pajamas, stuffed animal,
toothbrush and paste);
Employment kits (clock, appointment calendar, hose, good work/ interview
Winter kits (mittens or gloves, umbrella, hat, raincoat or warm coat).
Provide blankets or make quilts for shelter
Share your skills through mentoring,
tutoring, presenting workshops on parenting, computer use, employment,
literacy/GED readiness or job skills.
Advocacy, including writing letters,
making phone calls to elected officials or funders for additional
funding for shelter programs, finances for affordable housing, jobs,
financial assistance, access to medical care.
Invite shelter representatives to speak to
organizations you belong to.
Attend community forums, workshops or
training on domestic violence.
Advocate for school-based prevention
programs, such as No Punchin’ Judy or Chance for Change and for
assistance to children who live in homes where domestic violence
Make sure schools and other officials take
dating violence seriously.
Advocate for appropriate services for
underserved populations, such as those who speak Spanish or other
non-English languages, are gang-affiliated or -affected or are
Work against sexism, racism and homophobia.
Domestic Violence Ribbon
Does the Person You Love...
- Keep track of all of your time?
- Constantly accuse you of being
- Discourage your relationships with family
- Prevent you from working or attending
- Criticize you for little things?
- Anger easily when drinking or using other
- Control all finances and force you to
account in detail for what you spend?
- Humiliate you in front of others?
- Destroy personal property or sentimental
- Hit, punch, slap, kick, or bite you or
- Use or threaten to use a weapon against
- Threaten to hurt you or the children?
- Force you to have sex against your will?
If you find yourself saying yes to any of
these - it's time to get help.
- Talk to someone. Part of the abuser's
power comes from secrecy. Victims are often ashamed to let anyone
know about intimate family problems. Go to a friend or neighbor, or
call a domestic violence hotline to talk to a counselor.
- Plan ahead and know what you will do if
you're attacked again. If you decide to leave, choose a place to go;
set aside some money. Put important papers - marriage license, birth
certificates, checkbooks - in a place where you can get them
- Learn to think independently. Try to plan
for the future and set goals for yourself.
There are no easy answers, but there are
things you can do to protect yourself.
- Call the police or sheriff. Assault, even
by family members, is a crime. The police often have information
about shelters and other agencies that help victims of domestic
- Leave, or have someone come and stay with
you. Go to a battered women's shelter - call a crisis hotline in
your community or a health center to locate a shelter. If you
believe that you, and your children, are in danger - leave
- Get medical attention from your doctor or
a hospital emergency room. Ask the staff to photograph your injuries
and keep detailed records in case you decide to take legal action.
- Contact your family court for information
about a civil protection order that does not involve criminal
charges or penalties.
- Accept the fact that your violent
behavior will destroy your family. Be aware that you break the law
when you physically hurt someone.
- Take responsibility for your actions and
- When you feel tension building, get away.
Work off the angry energy through a walk, a project, a sport.
- Call a domestic violence hotline or
health center and ask about counseling and support groups for people
- Men and women who follow their parents'
example and use violence to solve conflicts are teaching the same
destructive behavior to their children.
- Jobs can be lost or careers stalled
because of injuries, arrests, or harassment.
- Violence may even result in death.
|1. Physical and sexual abuse and
2. Psychological trauma.
3. Self destructive coping mechanisms.
4. Educational neglect/poor school
5. Drug and alcohol abuse escape route.
6. Distrusting all adults.
7. Unresolved conflicts and ambivalence
about their family.
8. Frequent "accidental" victims
9. Confused values.
10 Identification crisis.
11 Perpetuation of violence cycle in teen
12 Cynicism, despair about their future.
There is evidence that young boys and girls
who are victims are on their way to becoming next generation women
beaters and battered women.
Children in the Cross Fire by Maria Roy,
Health Communications, Inc. Deerfield Beach, Florida. 1988
WITNESSING OF ADULT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
,Inc. is a group of women from across the nation who have joined
together in the struggle against domestic violence.
Created hosted and
maintained by Strawberry
Copyright (C) 2000 - Present The Strawberry Patch
Created 12/27/00 Edited 09/04/02