End It In 2002!!

This rose sheds its tears for all those lost to Domestic Violence, those still victim, and to those yet to become victim.
When Domestic Violence is stopped...
this rose will sparkle again with beauty....
and its tears will end.

Believe her, and keep what she tells you confidential.

Let her know she is not to blame for the abuse; she is not responsible for it and does not deserve it.

Take the time to talk with her privately and ask about suspicious bruises or fights that you know about. She needs to tell her story in her own time and at her own pace.

Help her make safety plans for herself and her children. It could save their lives

Validate her feelings; she may feel hurt, angry, afraid, ashamed or trapped. She may love the abuser.

Make strong statements against violence in your social circles and in support of victims building violence-free, autonomous lives.

Give her information about local resources.

Offer to assist her in keeping safe by letting her stay with you, if possible, or keeping documents, money, a packed suitcase for her, or identifying a code word that she can use to signal the need to call the police on her behalf.

If appropriate, talk to her children about what they are seeing and feeling.

Help them make plans to be safe.


If you need a referral to a domestic violence shelter or program in your area, 
call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 
at 800/799-SAFE (7233) 
or 800/787-3224 (TTY).

 

If you are violent, stop the violence immediately, and seek assistance.

Interrupt verbal harassment, and if it is safe to do so, acts of violence that you see happening.

Call the police, if it is unsafe for you to intervene. It may save someone’s life.

Let batterers know that domestic violence is a crime and that they could be prosecuted and sent to jail.

If a perpetrator is justifying violence or harassment because of something the victim did, point out that the perpetrator is the only one who is responsible for violent acts.

Don’t let perpetrators get away with victim-blaming, minimizing or trivializing their violence.

If you don’t like it when someone makes jokes about women or about battering, let the person telling the joke know it and why.

Talk to perpetrators you know about the violence they are doing, but do not disclose information given to you by a victim, unless you have their permission.

Let perpetrators know that violence is not acceptable and that they can choose to stop it.

Support strong law enforcement intervention in cases of domestic violence.

Don’t defend the batterer to police, prosecutors or judges.

Act as a witness to a crime.

If you are an employer, assist police, sheriff or other law enforcement officers to serve orders of protection, subpoenas, or other documents.

Do not ostracize the victim nor "side" with the perpetrator.

Make strong statements against violence in your social circles.

Advocate for full accountability by perpetrators, and for full restitution for victims.

For Starters -- 
Help support shelters and programs for survivors and their children :

Regular, consistent financial donations.

Food donations.

Donations of equipment, gifts, clothing, furniture, blankets, computers, etc.

Donations of meeting rooms, technical or professional services, etc.

Volunteer to assist shelter programs with answering crisis lines, working with survivors, raising funds, training/mentoring for survivors.

Volunteer to work during renovation, clean-up, mailings.

Write letters to City, County, State and National elected officials encouraging them to support funding for intervention in domestic violence and survivor services.

Write letters to the editor supporting services for survivors.

 

This candle burns for women everywhere whose lives are affected by violence.

  

 

 

Adopt-an-agency for a year:
Provide donations of all kinds;
put on a fund-raising event;bring a group of friends/work associates together to form a work party for an agency.

Assist in providing meals or a celebration for those residing in a shelter or transitional housing, including children’s birthday parties, holiday dinners, summer picnics.

Prepare starter kits for survivors -- ask a shelter for exact contents of kit:
Household kits (pots, pans, utensils, kitchen towels, broom, clock, etc.);
Personal hygiene kits (soap, shampoo, bath towel, wash cloth, comb, toothbrush and paste);
Bedding kits (sheets, pillows, blankets, bedspread);
Children’s kits (crayons or art supplies, pajamas, stuffed animal, toothbrush and paste);
Employment kits (clock, appointment calendar, hose, good work/ interview clothes);
Winter kits (mittens or gloves, umbrella, hat, raincoat or warm coat).

Provide blankets or make quilts for shelter residents.

Share your skills through mentoring, tutoring, presenting workshops on parenting, computer use, employment, literacy/GED readiness or job skills.

 

                                                       

Community Projects: 

Advocacy, including writing letters, making phone calls to elected officials or funders for additional funding for shelter programs, finances for affordable housing, jobs, financial assistance, access to medical care.

Invite shelter representatives to speak to organizations you belong to.

Attend community forums, workshops or training on domestic violence.

Advocate for school-based prevention programs, such as No Punchin’ Judy or Chance for Change and for assistance to children who live in homes where domestic violence occurs.

Make sure schools and other officials take dating violence seriously.

Advocate for appropriate services for underserved populations, such as those who speak Spanish or other non-English languages, are gang-affiliated or -affected or are disabled.

Work against sexism, racism and homophobia.

Domestic Violence Ribbon

 

 

Does the Person You Love...

  • Keep track of all of your time?
  • Constantly accuse you of being unfaithful?
  • Discourage your relationships with family and friends?
  • Prevent you from working or attending school?
  • Criticize you for little things?
  • Anger easily when drinking or using other drugs?
  • Control all finances and force you to account in detail for what you spend?
  • Humiliate you in front of others?
  • Destroy personal property or sentimental items?
  • Hit, punch, slap, kick, or bite you or the children?
  • Use or threaten to use a weapon against you?
  • Threaten to hurt you or the children?
  • Force you to have sex against your will?

If you find yourself saying yes to any of these - it's time to get help.


  • Talk to someone. Part of the abuser's power comes from secrecy. Victims are often ashamed to let anyone know about intimate family problems. Go to a friend or neighbor, or call a domestic violence hotline to talk to a counselor.
  • Plan ahead and know what you will do if you're attacked again. If you decide to leave, choose a place to go; set aside some money. Put important papers - marriage license, birth certificates, checkbooks - in a place where you can get them quickly.
  • Learn to think independently. Try to plan for the future and set goals for yourself.


There are no easy answers, but there are things you can do to protect yourself.

  • Call the police or sheriff. Assault, even by family members, is a crime. The police often have information about shelters and other agencies that help victims of domestic violence.
  • Leave, or have someone come and stay with you. Go to a battered women's shelter - call a crisis hotline in your community or a health center to locate a shelter. If you believe that you, and your children, are in danger - leave immediately.
  • Get medical attention from your doctor or a hospital emergency room. Ask the staff to photograph your injuries and keep detailed records in case you decide to take legal action.
  • Contact your family court for information about a civil protection order that does not involve criminal charges or penalties.

  • Accept the fact that your violent behavior will destroy your family. Be aware that you break the law when you physically hurt someone.
  • Take responsibility for your actions and get help.
  • When you feel tension building, get away. Work off the angry energy through a walk, a project, a sport.
  • Call a domestic violence hotline or health center and ask about counseling and support groups for people who batter.


  • Men and women who follow their parents' example and use violence to solve conflicts are teaching the same destructive behavior to their children.
  • Jobs can be lost or careers stalled because of injuries, arrests, or harassment.
  • Violence may even result in death.

 

1. Physical and sexual abuse and neglect.

2. Psychological trauma.

3. Self destructive coping mechanisms.

4. Educational neglect/poor school adjustment.

5. Drug and alcohol abuse escape route.

6. Distrusting all adults.

7. Unresolved conflicts and ambivalence about their family.

8. Frequent "accidental" victims of assault.

9. Confused values.

10 Identification crisis.

11 Perpetuation of violence cycle in teen couples.

12 Cynicism, despair about their future.

There is evidence that young boys and girls who are victims are on their way to becoming next generation women beaters and battered women.

Children in the Cross Fire by Maria Roy, Health Communications, Inc. Deerfield Beach, Florida. 1988

CHILDREN’S WITNESSING OF ADULT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

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