My Son and I

Our Last Visit 
 November 2000



The Cord 

We are connected, 
my child and I, 
by an invisible cord 
not seen by the eye. 

It's not like the cord 
that connects us at birth 
this cord can't be seen 
by any on earth. 

This cord does it's work 
right from the start 
it binds us together 
attached to my heart 

I know that it's there 
though no one can see
the invisible cord 
from my child to me. 

The strength of this cord 
it's hard to describe 
it can't be destroyed 
it can't be denied. 

It's stronger than any cord 
man could create 
it withstands the test 
can hold any weight 

And though you are gone 
though you're not here with me 
the cord is still there 
but no one can see 

It pulls at my heart 
I am bruised...I am sore 
but this cord is my lifeline 
as never before. 

I am thankful that God 
connects us this way 
a mother and child 
death can't take it away!! 

author unknown



norman61.jpg (30105 bytes)
Norman and Mom -  1961

This is the only picture Norman had of him and I.  I was surprised when he showed it to me. It was in color and had faded with the years and didn't  copy very well.  But by taking the color out I was able to make it a little sharper to put here. This is also the only picture I have of him as a baby.


I did not raise my son.  He was raised by his father.  Norman Jr. found me when he was about 20 yrs old. He came to California and we spent a short time together and then lost touch again. From then until three years ago we had no contact. Then we found each other again on the internet and started a wonderful and loving relationship.  After talking about why I wasn't there with him while he was growing up he accepted me and gave me what he gave everyone.... unconditional love. 

We were separated by the whole United States. He was on the east coast in Virginia, and I am on the west coast in California.  He came to visit me twice,  while he was out here for the Billboard Awards for his TV show, and we were able to spend time together.  These were good days. Normal days. If only I could have known that they would be my last.  If only I had been able to touch him more.  To hug him and say I love you more.  There are so many times a day now I say 'if only'.

We spent our time together as any normal mother and son who were both computer people did... Playing with my computer, laughing, talking, fixing things and going out to eat.  On one of his trips we went to the mall while he did some Christmas shopping for his kids.  These things, although I enjoyed sharing them with him, didn't seem very important to me then, but now I look on them as blessings.  But.. if only....

We talked often on the phone.  His job, besides having his own TV show where he was the creator, producer, director, editor and star, was as a local disc jockey.  Many nights he would come home late at night and not be able to go to sleep and he would call me and we talked for hours sometimes.  These were such good conversations.  Other times I would see him pop up on my computer screen with "Hi Mom".  It was as if we were together in the same room.  

During his first trip out here he even bought me a camera for my computer so we could speak and see each other via computer.  We did that often late at night while everyone else slept. We had a three hour time difference and it worked great for us.  I am a night owl too, as was he, so I was usually up online when he got home from work late at night.  The camera was his way of bringing me into his family across the miles. I could be there in his home and talk with him and his wife and the grandkids and they could see and talk to me.  It was like being there with them.

One of the things we talked about was that he wanted to move me to the east coast to live near him and his family.  He also wanted me to be there as Grandma Strawberry :o) for the kids.  It was being planned when he was killed.  Knowing I was moving there made him happy and this pleased me. 

It made me happy to know he wanted me there.  But it especially made me happy to know that my being close to him and his family made him happy.  It's good to know I brought a little happiness to his life after not being there for so long.  We had decided that I would visit first so I could look around and get some local information before I made the move but there was not enough time. Another.. If only...

We had talked about my moving to Virginia on his trip the year before but I was nervous about moving and when he came this trip he told me he had given me a year to get used to the idea and he planned to move me there himself.

This conversation was in November and he was killed in Feb.  He wanted to come get me in December but we decided the weather was not good to drive across country and that the spring would be a better time for it.  Again I think.. If only.... 

Well, I will still be making that trip.  In August 2001 I will be visiting my grandkids and daughter-in-law, all of who I have never yet met in person.  I do keep in close touch over the phone and computer.  It will be both a good and bad experience.  The good is evident.  The bad is that up to now I have experienced an amount of denial over his death.  I am moving on to another phase of my grief now, but when I get to his home he will be all around me.  But he will not be there.  The truth will be so real.  So undeniable.

 

My Trip - If Only..

He Only Took My Hand

Last night while I was trying to sleep, 
My son's voice I did hear. 
I opened my eyes and looked 
around But he did not appear. 

He said, "Mom you've got to listen, 
You've got to understand, 
God didn't take me from you, Mom, 
He only took my hand. 

When I called out in pain that night, 
The instant that I died, 
He reached down and took my hand, 
And pulled me to His side. 

He pulled me up and saved me 
From the misery and pain. 
My body was hurt so badly inside, 
I could never be the same. 

My search is really over now, 
I've found happiness within. 
All the answers to my empty dreams 
And all that might have been. 

I love you so and miss you so, 
And I'll always be nearby. 
My body's gone forever, 
But my spirit will never die! 

And so, you must go on now, 
Live one day at a time. 
Just understand- 

God did not take me from you, 
He only took my hand." 

Author Unknown

 

Memorial Page

I Miss My Daddy

My Son and I

Family Pictures

My Gifts to Norman

Norman in TV and Film

Graphics I Made from Photo's

2000 Billboard Award Convention Pictures

Last Call Interview Pictures

All graphics and backgrounds on these Memorial pages are made especially for these pages. Please do not take. Thank you

 Created  with love 06/15/01  Updated 12/31/03